Kisses and Hugs around the World (4:30pm Friday July 22, 2011)

4:30pm Friday July 22, 2011

For a less touchy (pun intended) subject, I’ve been noticing how different regional greeting customs (kissing, hugs...) interact with Judaism as I’ve traveled this summer.

In Spain, greetings were very impersonal from what I had expected Europe to be.  I also didn’t interact with any Spaniards that would have required hugging or kissing. 

In London, I was able to experience both an upper-class B’nei Akiva Orthodox Shabbes and a more lower middle-class Orthodox Shabbes. In terms of greetings, the upper-class Orthodox Shabbes was what you’d expect. Men shook hands; men and women didn’t touch (due to shomer negiah). I was invited to a “lower middle-class” Orthodox Shabbes meal, which was more interesting. I assumed that the family was shomer negiah, so I shook the hand of the husband and the little boys. Upon leaving, the mother leaned in toward me and she caught me by surprise by doing the European kiss on both cheeks with me. I played along as not to offend anyone.

It’s weird coming from the Penn OCP (Orthodox Community at Penn) where guys and girls are so hands off in terms of touchiness of greetings. Within the OCP, I try not to hug or touch most of the girls, assuming shomer negiahness. This assumption has gotten me out of some uncomfortable situations.

In Gibraltar, a society which was interestingly a mix of the uptightness of Britain with the relaxed nature of Spain, the Jewish community was essentially Sephardic Ultra-Orthodox, so men shook hands and didn’t really much interact with women.

I have nothing interesting to say about Turkey or Amsterdam in terms of greetings, so I’ll jump to Huanuco, Peru.  This has been the most interesting by far in terms of greetings.  This society is very touchy-feely. The second you meet someone, its expected of you to perform a physical greeting. The minute a woman (whether I’ve ever met her or not) enters the door, I know it’s expected of me to kiss her on her right cheek. When a man enters, I have to stand up an shake his hand.  Even more interesting is the fact that people I see every day, the women I teach Hebrew to, expected to kiss on the cheek every day.  It just seems superfluous; for example, when you’re at university and living with your friends, you don’t hug or shake hands with your friends every day. When you leave for summer break or if G-d forbid, someone’s father passed away, then you hug or shake hands. Or if you are on a business meeting, then you shake hands.

If you tell all of your friends that you love them, the word love depreciates in value.  What does love mean anymore? What do you tell your significant other? 

Git Shabbes.